Oh, how I wish I had THE manual when it comes to parenting. Motherhood is filled with the most intense range of emotions, experiences, and responsibilities – all tremendous blessings that I treasure daily and take very seriously. I’m raising a young lady and how I shape her childhood will in large part determine the lady she will become. That saying, “the hand that rocks the cradle…,” makes a lot more sense now that I’m a mom. I see the effects of what I do every day as she grows.
By no means do I have all the answers, nor am I perfect…I mess up all the time, as I’m sure we all do. I did make some very intentional decisions early on that I believe really helped both of us in this journey and I would love to share…maybe something will inspire you, maybe you have a different kiddo and these points just don’t fit (absolutely NO JUDGEMENT here…every child is unique and has unique needs). Even if none of these decisions I made work for you, maybe it will help to get you thinking about your own intentions as a mom and how you want to live those out. I do think that’s so important – we consider how we shape our children and make decisions according to those goals, values, and intentions.
As a Christian, it was very important to me that I do all I can to center her world around knowing she is the love of God’s heart. As a tiny baby, I knew life was going to knock her around, break her heart, and storms would surround her at different points in her life. I also knew that if she didn’t have an anchor, with lack of perspective, her ways of coping with the hits of life could be detrimental…especially with all of the new dangers that didn’t exist when I was young. To that end, I began teaching her about the love of Jesus before she could talk.
-We prayed together multiple times a day.
-We read devotionals every morning and every night (here are some that we loved).
– I often had my bible open on the kitchen counter and let her see me reading scripture
-In age-appropriate ways, we talked through how to treat friends, how to bless others, how to show gratitude, etc…all from a Christian perspective.
-I chose a Christian preschool for PreK-3…we loved it so much that we never left…she still attends and is in middle school now 🙂
Having been oversees a few times in my life, one thing that was really apparent to me each time was how different societies approached health. I don’t know why I latched on to that in my 20s…maybe because it was such a drastic difference. Even so, the things I thought I was doing for her health have changed over time as information became more available. I knew I didn’t want her to follow in my footsteps of not thinking about health and inadvertently damaging my body – In college, I had a diet soda addiction and consumed very few fresh foods (normal for that age)…I don’t know for sure that had an impact, but my body has suffered with infertility, autoimmune issues, and arthritis. I wish I had been intentional about taking better care of my young self. Here are some things I do to instill healthy habits:
-Prioritize movement…daily walks, open gym time after school, outside play are all great ways to get our bodies moving. This is so important in middle and high school because I find they move very little during the school day (we tested with a pedometer to know for sure).
-Walking before school…when the temp is above 35 degrees, Emma Claire and I go into town and walk for about 30 min before school. This has so many benefits beyond physical health (more on that below).
-Eating veggies…Emma Claire has always been a picky eater, so this has been a challenge. We try very hard to get veggies in daily at dinner.
-Talk about food. I regularly talk about health, food, moving our bodies, balance, the benefits of being healthy/the consequences of not. She is engaged, asks questions, and gives her own ideas for foods we could try or activities we could do to keep our bodies moving.
Is that a thing? Well, I’m making it one. Things have changed so much with technology and culture…some for the better and there are downsides of course too. How do you know if someone is a true friend? What makes a friend loyal and caring? How do you handle encounters with kids who are mean-spirited, bully, make fun of others, etc? How do you come along side a friend who is struggling? How can you be a good friend? All of these are things I want Emma Claire to consider, not only in childhood, but for the rest of her life. Here’s how we engage about social health:
-I ask daily (usually when I pick her up from school) about who she sat with at lunch and what they talked about…she’s still at an age where this is welcomed 🙂
-I ask about individual friends…”Tell me more about Sally…what makes her a good friend? Tell me about a time you have seen her be a good friend to someone. What are Sally’s strengths? How have you been a friend to Sally? I ask these probing questions to get a conversation going so I can learn about her friends and so she can thoughtfully determine if they are a good friend/good influence.
-I am all ears anytime there is a friend struggle and Emma Claire knows this. I want to help guide her through so she can carry those skills with her in life. We often talk about any issues, big or small, and I let her lead the way. She comes up with the solutions on her own 99% of the time, but it’s the process of talking it out that helps her resolve conflicts in her heart first. I also tell her there is NOTHING she cannot tell me-my love for her will never change. She will mess up and I want her to be open with me always.
This is a big one for me. I saw this trend when I first became a mama…tiny babies were handed screens so moms could be in peace. I completely understand why – we are tired, we understandably want connections with our own friends that were once so easy, we want to eat a hot meal, the list goes on and on. Mamas, I GET IT and there is NO JUDGEMENT from me…not on this or anything else. I guess I just instinctively knew for Emma Claire, this would not be healthy. Can some kids handle it? I don’t know because I’m not their mama, but I knew the effects with mine would not be good…a mother’s instinct I suppose. Here’s what I did instead:
-Emma Claire did not do well in social settings for the first year of her life…colic and reflux were big reasons why. I accepted that keeping a routine at home for this short period would be best, as I knew it wasn’t forever.
-At every young age, I made sure to pack an activity bag and rotated them during outings (meals). As soon as boredom set in with one thing, I pulled another activity out of my bag.
-I taught Emma Claire to have a love for books. I do think some of her love for reading came natural, but was also because her environment was filled with books and we read all throughout the day from a young age.
-When she was older, we talked about technology. What is good about it and what are some downsides. How can we make sure to protect our minds while using tech. Balance was key with these conversations.
-We also talked about tech in terms of manners-this is huge with me. If she is on a device and someone addresses her, she knows she MUST stop, look at the person speaking to her, and answer/have convo with intention. Replacing human interaction with a screen doesn’t fly in our home and I’m pretty strict about it.
-We have honest conversations about the dangers of technology and how we can guard against them.
Above all, it’s so important to me that I have a strong, healthy connection with my daughter throughout childhood and beyond. Of course I want her to have a social life and she does, but a lot of friends will come and go…if she isn’t grounded in faith and family, that can be so very hard and even dangerous. I tend to wonder if our society has placed too great of emphasis on socialization, activities, sports, etc in young childhood to the detriment of family connection and balance. Here’s what I do to make sure I am fostering connection, especially now that we are in the pre-teen/teen years:
-Remember I mentioned those before-school walks? Well, they have been a game-changer in this regard. I treasure our special time together to start each day! We talk about anything and everything in those 30 minutes before we go our separate ways for the day…we talk about friends needing prayer, special events going on at school, things she is excited about, things she worries about, books she is reading, school-related stuff…anything on her mind. Could we easily do this after school-yes, and we do, but there is something really special about the morning before the hectic day gets going that is just so beneficial.
-I only allow 1-2 extracurricular activities at a time. If we are gone most evenings and weekends running here, there, and everywhere, that would not be good. Emma Claire and I have talked about this many times…we all need down time. Right now, she plays basketball on Saturday morning and rides horses on Saturday afternoons. Soon, basketball will be over and she is looking forward to starting something new, but taking all of our free time on sports/activities just doesn’t work for us.
-I prioritize making memories as often as possible and repeat beloved traditions. I never expected Disney World to be our thing, but it definitely has become that – we love taking girls trips with my mom to our favorite place! We go on roadtrips to other places as well…always with the intention to make memories and have fun without our normal little pressures of life-together…that’s the key, making memories together.
Again, I am so far from the perfect anything…I hope that a few of the above maybe have inspired you to consider your mama-intentions and how you can implement them with your own parenting. Every kiddo is different and every mama is different…my intentions are not the same as yours and that is how it should be. No judgement-the important takeaway is to embrace how you are empowered to shape your child’s upbringing and to bring your own special gifts and intentions into that focus.
💗 Jackie
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6
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